“My OCD Relationship Issue Is Taking Over My Life”

Q:

I’m a woman struggling with a relationship OCD issue with a coworker, and it’s taking over my life. I think about her a lot, and I have a really hard time not giving in to my compulsions, which include messaging her, talking to her, talking about her, and so on. I also try to connect with her on a deep level because doing so creates an emotional intensity that I enjoy. I thought this kind of obsession was a teenage issue, but I’m quite a bit past my teenage years and have a beautiful family, baruch Hashem.

This coworker seems to genuinely like me in a healthy, normal way. I’m afraid if I continue acting this way around her, I might become too much for her. Being rejected by her is one of my greatest fears.

I’m wondering if you would recommend any of the following options or if you have any better ideas and advice:

1. Fighting my compulsions as much as I can.
2. Normalizing the situation in my mind — looking at it as a close friendship and following my inner voice and seeing where it takes me.
3. Stop the relationship (which I don’t think I’m capable of, but wondering if that should be the goal, although I’ll probably find someone else who I’ll obsess over…)

Thank you for your wonderful and insightful column.