“My Son Is Destroying Our Family!”

Hey Rabbi,

My 15-year-old son Meir is destroying our entire family. He breaks Shabbos and talks about all kinds of secular things that are totally inappropriate. My other kids complain that he gets away with doing whatever he wants and get resentful that they have to follow the rules. I feel like I have a terrorist living in my house!

This is probably one of the most common questions I get.

But it’s tricky to answer, because the dynamics of every situation are different. A rav or therapist should be consulted regarding the specifics of your situation.

When you look at the question, you can feel this parent’s fear. They are terrified that Meir is taking over their household and ruining their other kids. That’s an indication of a larger problem — an imbalance in the family hierarchy.

Parents must first and foremost be confident. Confidence in parenting doesn’t mean that you always do the right thing or even know what the right thing to do is. Confidence in parenting means having confidence in the time and love that you have invested in the relationships and values that exist in your home.