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But ask some of the Hatzolah volunteers who were in Meron on Lag B’omer and you’ll find that these tough, brave men who take war and terror attacks in stride aren’t feeling very heroic. They’re living with the scenes, the sounds, and the smells, and less than a week later, the disaster is still a dark shadow over every waking moment. The 45 deaths and multiple injuries — people from their own communities who just minutes before had their arms raised heavenward in joyous dance and song as the flames of the holy bonfires rose together with their voices — extracted a toll too much even for them.

Longtime ZAKA volunteer Motti Buktzin has been coming to Meron on Lag B’omer for the past 28 years as a private citizen, and this year was no different, as he happily joined in the euphoric circles of dancers — but suddenly, the Hatzolah monitor he always carries began squawking and wouldn’t stop. [ZAKA deals with proper care of the dead, while Hatzolah is a first-responder organization, although there is a lot of overlap among the membership. -Ed.]

Someone shouted “I’m in the middle of CPR!” and then another screamed in desperation, “I’m in the middle of CPR!”

It was surrealistic, a shaken, sadder Motti said later, describing how he approached the area of the tragedy, and together with the Magen David Adom station head began to count bodies, hoping against hope that the numbers would plateau. “It was an indescribable trauma for all of us.”