On the Receiving End

Which is easier, giving or taking? When presented the opportunity to give to someone else or be a receiver, which would you prefer? In reality, both giving and receiving take mesirus nefesh — and when I had the opportunity to be a receiver this summer, it forced me to muster up all the courage and confidence I had just to say thank you and open my hand. Taking — asking and acknowledging the need for help — proved to be a wake-up exercise in self-effacement and letting go.

This past June, our family was blessed with a new baby. And before our baby was even born, I had already fallen into the trap of the frum superwoman and comfortably projected, from my living room couch, that a meal train would be completely unnecessary. After all, I wasn’t an inexperienced first-time mother. I didn’t need to rely on anyone’s help. And I most certainly didn’t want to put anyone out, considering they would be cooking for a whole family. Anyway, my children were picky eaters and would likely reject the meals and opt for Wacky Mac instead.

Admittedly, I had this bizarre and unfair notion in my mind that experienced moms with families that include teenagers just don’t need help. We seasoned moms knew what we were doing. In my idealized conception of what frum families look like, I imagined this mother slipping back into her regularly scheduled program of cooking dinners, sending kids off to school, running the home, and everything else. Just this time she would have a baby in tow. Since she was an experienced mom who knew the ropes, a new baby wouldn’t make such a huge difference. What’s one more added to the bunch?

Fast-forward to the bris of our new addition, and I couldn’t stand for long on my feet. I was walking out of the shul with the baby on the pillow and had to pass the little bundle to the nearest friend — quick. You see, I had some unexpected complications following the birth. And then, just three days before the bris, I was in the emergency room. The doctors explained that it would take three months for me to fully recover. I was going to need some help, since this time it was going to be impossible for me to do it all on my own.