Parshas Vayeitzei: 5786

Rav Yisroel Reisman recounts how when one of his sons was born, he wanted to name him after one of his rebbeim who’d recently passed away. However, he knew that his wife also had an ancestor with that name; most people would assume the baby was named after his wife’s relative.

Is the baby’s name and significance determined by what the parents have in mind when the name is given, or by what people think is the source of the name? (Rabbi Ozer Alport, Parsha Potpourri)

I’m the commanding general when it comes to baby naming (with my husband’s agreement). From the moment I find out I’m expecting, I’ve got names running through my head, and it only takes a few days for me to settle on a possible boy’s or girl’s name. By the time nine months are up, I’m settled into the name, knee-deep, and no good general gives up his conquered territory.

When Leah gave birth to her first child, the Torah records that she named him Reuven as an acknowledgement that Hashem had seen her suffering.

However, the Gemara (Berachos 7b) says that Leah knew prophetically that this son would ultimately lose his status as Yaakov’s firstborn to Yosef, yet he would not hate Yosef as a result. Therefore, she named him Reuven, from the lashon “reu, see” — see the difference between the attitudes of my son and my brother-in-law (Eisav) over the loss of the birthright.

Yet if the Torah explicitly states Leah’s reason for choosing the name Reuven, why does the Gemara give an alternative explanation?

Don’t think I’m unfair when it comes to naming my way or the highway. I always keep both sides of the family in mind.

In one pregnancy, though, I was stuck. If the baby would be a boy, I’d have no problem. It was my husband’s side’s turn and there were plenty of suitable boys’ names there for the choosing.

But if the baby would be a girl (I’m one of those who doesn’t like to know before; takes all the fun out of labor and delivery), then we were in serious trouble. On my husband’s side, one grandmother’s name was Sarah — oops, my name! That took her out of the running. The other grandmother boasted the Yiddish name Genna, a.k.a. Jenny, and neither found favor in my eyes.

But maybe it would be a boy and we’d have nothing to worry about.

The Maharsha posits that the Gemara is teaching us that Leah’s true reason for choosing this name was focusing on the difference between Reuven and Eisav. However, she didn’t want to inform Yaakov that she knew prophetically that Yosef would take the birthright from Reuven. Therefore, the Torah included the reason for Reuven’s name as mentioned in the pasuk, thus concealing her real reason.

Rav Reisman suggests from here that if a person publicly gives one reason for a child’s name while thinking of a different one, the one that he thinks of is the real reason for the name.

It was a girl. And she was born four weeks early, right on my own grandmother’s yahrtzeit. Now what? I didn’t want to insult my in-laws but I loved my grandmother dearly, and the baby to be born so early, davka on the yahrtzeit! I wanted so badly to name this baby after my grandmother.

“Did your mother, Genna, have a second name?” I fished for some solution from my mother-in-law.

“No, and she was very proud of her Yiddish name as well,” she said. Plank by plank, I was being nailed into a corner.

“How about your mother?” I asked my father-in-law. “Maybe she had a second name other than Sarah?”

“Nope!” Another nail went in. “But,” continued my father-in-law, “Sarah wasn’t her Hebrew name. She just chose it because she liked it. Growing up in America, most people didn’t use their Yiddish names at that time.”

“So what was her Hebrew name?” I grasped at this new information, hoping it would solve my problem.

Yes! My husband’s grandmother had the same Yiddish name as my own grandmother.

Problem solved beautifully. Each side felt that the baby was named for their own side. As for me, ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies.

(Originally featured in Family First, Issue 970)