Save the Date: Chapter 3

“Would you want to go on a date with yourself?”

“Definitely not.”

“So why would a girl want to go on a date with you?”

“I don’t know. She’d have to be crazy.”

IT was my first session with Chaim Feld, and it was becoming increasingly apparent that he was suffering from a severe lack of self-esteem. I heard it from the moment our call connected — his voice dispirited and so low, I often had to strain to make out what he said.

Chaim had been referred to me by his shadchan, who was exasperated by the fact that every girl she set him up with dropped him after just one or two dates. “He’s a nice guy,” she’d told me, “I don’t know why these girls can’t realize it.”

But here’s the thing: People don’t marry what they want; they marry a reflection of who they are. If you’re miserable and self-loathing, you aren’t going to attract the confident, happy spouse you long for. Unless you work on yourself, you’ll marry someone plagued with similar issues. Work on becoming what you desire in a spouse.

There was a fellow I dated, and when I asked him the classic, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” he responded, “Large house, with a stunning foyer, circular staircase, I see a lot of gold, I really like gold, a gorgeous put-together wife, kids all in adorable matching outfits, great six-figure job. Yeah, that’s what I see. How about you?”