While We Wait

Onthe street, in shuls, at simchahs, and in these pages, there’s been lots of mixed feedback to the new shidduch initiative that would have young men start shidduchim earlier and young women later.

The open secret is that many young women have been waiting anyway — not as a conscious choice, but because the phone just doesn’t ring that often in our current reality. Normalizing the wait as a feature rather than a bug of the yeshivish dating system, in keeping with the directions of the rabbanim and roshei yeshivah, will hopefully be a positive step toward a more balanced and equitable process.

When a ship captain decides to change course, that shift will inevitably create ripples in the water. The sea change in the shidduch system — an institutionalized “gap year” for young women — will bring changes other than timing and numbers of completed shidduchim. It will take wisdom, foresight, and some soul-searching from both the top and the grassroots to address those changes. Thankfully, our leaders and communities already possess all those attributes — otherwise, how could we have reached this point?

After reading many comments and letters, listening to myriad conversations, and sounding out lots of “everyman” types, here are three shifts that will likely require effort and attention While We Wait.