Tactfully Speaking

Speaking tactfully, and knowing when to say something and when to stay silent, can be a challenge, especially for kids. Your seven-year-old daughter may not understand why it’s a show of affection for an adult to tell her, “You’re getting so big!” but insulting if she responds, “You too.”

Tact requires an understanding of the situation, and the ability to see the situation from someone else’s perspective. It means putting oneself into the others person’s shoes, to get a sense of what they might be thinking. It demands the realization that “your position is different from mine.” Being tactful requires thinking about what’s going on at that moment and also reflecting upon it.

“That’s a lot to process all at once,” says Judith Weisz, a Jerusalem-based pediatric speech-and-language therapist. “It requires a huge amount of understanding and awareness for a child to know the difference between what adults say to her and what she can say to them. You can’t even ask a child, ‘How would you like it if someone said that to you?’ because they might feel fine about it,” continues Judith.

Learning the Ropes

She suggests ways we can teach the skill of tactful communication to our kids.