Teaching Children to Lie

“Avi” and “Shaindy” walked into my office with slumped shoulders and heavy hearts. When I asked what I could help them with, Avi spoke first.

“All of our five children are well-behaved, doing well in school, and have plenty of friends,” he said almost defensively. “The reason we are here is that our nine-year-old son seems to be — I really hate to say it, but — he seems to be a chronic liar.”

Avi went on to give me detailed examples of his son’s falsehoods, even in situations where he and his wife had concrete evidence that their son was not telling the truth. In short, they were coming with two questions. Is this something they should be concerned about, or should they simply dismiss it as childhood immaturity? And, if not, what should they be doing about it?

Responding to their first question, I assured them that they definitely should be concerned about their son’s dishonesty. The Torah warns, “Mi’dvar sheker tirchak.” (Shemos 23:7) And the Seforno adds that this prohibition even includes anything that could lead to or cause dishonesty. I then shared with them a brief encounter I had had a few years ago with Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky shlita.