In response to “Help Me Join Your Nation,” about the process of giyur, two women share their experience in the frum world post-geirus
There was a time when I’d openly share my conversion journey with anyone who asked. And then there came a time when I stopped.
You might be wondering why.
The reason I stopped sharing so openly was that after countless Shabbosim, chagim, and even interviews where being a giyores became my entire identity — rather than simply being Jewish — I grew exhausted.
Exhausted by the lack of understanding that halachah teaches not to remind a convert of their conversion. Tired of hearing, “Well, you chose to be Jewish,” as if that somehow invalidates my right to question, engage, or hold an opinion within Yiddishkeit. Worn down by insensitive comments about what I supposedly can or cannot do — like being told how I’ll mourn my parents one day, because they too converted, but it was a Reform conversion and “doesn’t count” — usually by people who don’t even know me.
And as a Jew of Color, the assumption that I’m a convert is almost always there. There’s no hiding. The questions begin — personal ones. It usually starts off with, “I know you have a story.” There are times when I don’t want to share my entire story at a Shabbos table full of strangers. Was I asked if I’d be comfortable sharing? That being said, I know that people are curious — because, as humans, we’re curious and that is normal. However, we have to be mindful about what we’re asking, how we’re asking, and when we’re asking. That could make all the difference.
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