What words can possibly fix loss? We speak in these situations because we feel uncomfortable not to
“What am I supposed to say?” he asked. “I never know what to say in situations like these.”
At the time, I found it odd that this man, who is well-known for his quick thinking and wit, and who in his professional career had surely been forced to deliver bad news, didn’t know how to articulate a comforting word to a grieving widow. Why is it that when we encounter people who have suffered tragic loss, we often struggle to find the right words?
Today, I think I understand.
Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about grief and studied countless books and papers about its stages, manifestations, and complications. However, nothing has taught me more about what it means to truly grieve than the loss my family incurred almost nine years ago.
My wife was expecting a baby. At the time, we had been blessed with one son and four daughters, and all of us, including the girls, were hoping for a boy. My wife and I don’t find out the baby’s gender in advance, but I do remember peeking at the ultrasounds and intuiting that this was going to be a boy.
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