MYoldest daughter had been home from seminary for close to a year when I decided it was time to buy a shidduch notebook. The one I spotted at the dollar store seemed perfect for its intended function, a compact five-by-seven inches with a blue plastic cover (appropriate for information on boys). Would I need to fill all hundred pages before my daughter found her bashert? Or would I just fill a few pages, and then rip them out to use the notebook for my next daughter’s shidduchim? Only Hashem could answer that question.
On the first page, I listed the shadchanim I’d contacted as our initial hishtadlus. The next page listed some tidbits of advice from the shadchan who gave my daughter her first Yes.
Slowly, very slowly, the notebook filled up with pages and pages of notes on bochurim who were suggested for my daughter. I kept the notebook in my bedroom and made sure to hide it when I was in the midst of inquiries, because the sight of it would lead my younger children to groan, “You’re looking into another shidduch?”
There were often long breaks between suggestions, but each time one came, I’d find myself pulling the notebook out, hopeful about a new shidduch opportunity. In time, I learned to elicit more accurate information from sources by asking open-ended questions, requesting anecdotes, and listening to what they didn’t say. Sometimes we said No, sometimes we said Yes, but no bochur we were suggested was quite right for my daughter.
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