The Pain I Caused You

IT is the season of mechilah, when Yidden ask forgiveness of one another.

As kids in school, we would wish each other ah gut yohr and then someone would start the mechilah chain, and then someone else would self-importantly say, “mechilah is for Erev Yom Kippur, not Rosh Hashanah,” and then a third person would say, “Well guess what? You just embarrassed Moishy so now you have to ask him for mechilah.”

In the early years of high school, the mechilah festival got more exciting with public bulletin board signs: I (name) want to ask everyone I might have hurt or spoken lashon hara about to forgive me.” The writer doubtlessly felt proud of his creativity and initiative — and remained blissfully oblivious to the fact that at the other side of every request for forgiveness is a real human being with real hurt.

We grew older, and the understanding of what takes place grew a bit deeper, but the process never got less awkward. It’s hard to really apologize.