The Value of Family Time  

In fact, I once heard a story about a man who came to Rav Dovid Feinstein with a question. He explained that his wife was a recovering alcoholic. Her addiction was so serious that she was not even supposed to be in the same room as wine. Because of this, the family used grape juice for Kiddush every Shabbos and Yom Tov instead of wine. However, that particular year the man’s father wanted to bring the entire extended family to Eretz Yisrael to celebrate Pesach together.

This fellow had a real dilemma. If he and his family went along, then all of the families together with them on the trip would have to drink grape juice instead of wine for the four cups at the Seder. This is not halachically ideal, especially given that Rav Moshe Feinstein felt that wine at the Seder was an actual requirement. The man asked Rav Dovid what he should do.

Rav Dovid Feinstein responded that the value of having the whole family together was so high that it was worth making every single member of the extended family drink grape juice at the Seder instead of wine, just so that everyone in the family — including this man’s wife — would gain from that Yom Tov family experience.

This conveys a beautiful message about the importance of family time and the value it brings into our lives. But as many families can testify, things are not always so rosy or picturesque when relatives get together for Yom Tov. Many people, even if they enjoy a beautiful Yom Tov, can come out of the experience with negative feelings. After spending so much time with family members, it is inevitable that some people might leave feeling hurt, offended, or perhaps underappreciated by something insensitive someone said or did. Friction and discord are extremely commonplace when so many family members gather for an extended period of Yom Tov celebration.