Their Big Deal

It’s a season of teshuvah, so we need to come clean. We sometimes lie over the course of the year, and one of the greatest lies of all is the message we send our bochurim. My friend and colleague in these pages (I always wanted to write that) Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin might express this as a “top five” list. So here’s my Top Five comments balabatim make to bochurim during bein hazmanim.

• I guess you couldn’t sleep? (Said sarcastically to a bochur who comes to shul at a time that would be problematic if he had an office job, which he doesn’t.)
• Is your shaver broken? (Said sarcastically to a bochur who didn’t shave or get a haircut on Isru Chag, which is fine because he’s 17 and let him live.)
• Be careful you don’t learn too much. (Said sarcastically to a bochur who opens a Gemara and then goes for a coffee after five minutes, excited to see a friend he hasn’t seen since last bein hazmanim.)

Okay, that’s only three, but you get the point.

They are lies, because they are a half-truth, articulated without seeing the bigger picture. They convey expectation, but not enough admiration.

I don’t know your son, but I know this: