Top Secret

Prepared for print by Faigy Peritzman

My aunt was recently niftar, and as her only living relative, I’ve been cleaning out her home and came across her personal diary. Is it permitted to read such personal thoughts after someone has passed away?

If it contains just personal thoughts and random information, there is no reason why it can’t be read. But if you suspect that it may contain material which your aunt would have wanted to keep secret, then it’s forbidden — according to Rav Chaim Kanievsky — to reveal a deceased person’s secrets.

My sister shared details about a medical issue with me, which I’m assuming she wants confidential. Does this mean I may not share it with my husband as well?

Instead of assuming, you can just ask her if it’s okay for you to share the information with your husband. If you can’t ask her, you can assume she meant to include your husband as well.

My in-laws recently shared some financial details with my husband and insisted he keep it from me, even though it does affect me. Invariably I found out, and I’m so hurt that he kept this from me. Isn’t my perspective more important for my husband to honor than my in-laws’?

Yes, your husband should have shared that information with you, despite the fact that his parents would have objected. Husbands [or wives] who deliberately withhold significant and relevant information from their spouse will most definitely inflict damage on their marriage.

When I was in high school, my close friend shared with me a medical issue she deals with, insisting it remain a secret between us. Now, we’re both in shidduchim, and I’m on her résumé for people to call about her, but I don’t how I should answer this question if asked.

Discuss with your friend what she wants you to say when people call to ask about her. Tell her that if you’re asked a direct question about her health, in which case you must tell the truth, then you will have no choice but to reveal her medical condition. If your friend objects to your exposing her condition, ask for your name to be removed from her résumé.