Free yourself from the urge to correct your spouse
C hany married 22 years has finally figured it out. “I grew up in a very clean home — everything had its place and everything was in its place — or else! My father made sure we made our beds with corners tucked in army-style. You were never allowed to leave a cup on the counter; everything had to be immediately washed dried and put back in the cupboard. There was no such thing as leaving a wet towel hanging in the bathroom.
“I thought this is just what people do so when I married Dovi I was in for quite a shock. Not only did he come from a completely different home but he himself has ADHD. He’s always getting distracted so he puts his coffee cup down somewhere and two days later it could still be where he left it. He’s completely messy and disorganized.
“We used to fight about this nonstop. It never got us anywhere because Dovi just doesn’t have the brain for tidying up. Yes he’s learned a few things from living with me but I finally realized that he isn’t me and never will be. I also learned that I’m not my father and I never liked the way he dealt with the cleaning issue so why was I imitating someone I didn’t want to be? And of course I didn’t want the kids to hear the constant nagging and arguing.
“So I hired a bit more cleaning help and our house looks okay even if it isn’t perfect. I also learned that the planet won’t explode if a bed isn’t perfectly made. Actually it’s a relief to know that.”
