C hildren watch and learn. It would be nice if we could show them perfect models of humanity but alas we can’t — being human and all. But at least we can be cognizant of the power of our example and act accordingly.
“I had no idea how couples resolve conflict properly. Growing up I saw a lot of drama — yelling door slamming driving off and staying away for a few days at a time. How was I supposed to negotiate my own marriage?”
Of course childhood impressions can be modified in adulthood. No one is completely trapped or limited by his or her parents’ failings. However the learning growing changing process can take a painfully long time and can be accompanied by many losses along the way. Twenty-year-olds determined not to emulate their parents’ dysfunctional patterns think they can do better only to discover in the face of adult pressures that they are subject to a powerful neuro-network wired into cell and soul by 20 years of exposure.
“My mother suffered from severe depression. She ended her life after the last of us got married. On top of my own depression I now had trauma to deal with and it was very rough going for me for a number of years. I thought the only way out was for me to end my life too.
