“We Have No Protektzia”

The Question

Everyone told us that if we don’t get into the school we think is right for our son, we need to call in all the protektziya we can. If we don’t have any, we should keep calling the school until they give in. This feels deeply unnatural for us. How much pull is too much? And even if we do get in, will this negatively affect my child’s relationship with the school that we pushed ourselves into?

Rabbi Ari Schonfeld

When I got accepted to ninth grade using my grandfather’s “pull,” I cried bitterly that I wanted to be accepted for who I am, not for who I am not. Still, I feel that if parents have done their research and feel that a place is best for their son, they should do anything and everything to get him in.

When I was in eighth grade, six boys in my class applied to the same yeshivah. Five got in. I did not. For some reason that still eludes me, I was told that a previous rebbi of mine did not give the best report to the mesivta regarding my behavior. The only other option I can think of is that somehow, they called my older sister for information. Then it would all make sense.

Either way, I was not accepted, and I was devastated. My grandfather, Rabbi Fabian Schonfeld ztz”l, was the “pull” I needed. As a local rabbi, he had helped the yeshivah with zoning boards when they built their dorm. My grandfather reluctantly called on my behalf. (He preferred that I go to Novominsk, as we were related to the Rebbe. How would life have turned out? We’ll never know.)

I distinctly remember a meeting at my dining room table between the ninth-grade rebbi and my parents to discuss my acceptance into the yeshivah. I was upstairs in my room crying. My parents were dumbfounded. Why was I not excited that I got in? I explained that I want to be accepted in the school for who I am, not for who I am not. I was afraid there would be unfair expectations, and that I got in only because of pull but wasn’t really a match.

My parents went back downstairs to the rebbi and shared my concerns. He told them they had nothing to be worried about. Once I was accepted, I would be treated exactly the same as everyone else. The process of getting in was one thing. But once that process was completed, no one got treated differently. I spent six wonderful years in that yeshivah, for high school and beis medrash.