T
he wedding was magnificent. A beautiful chuppah took place on the beach as the sun set and then it was time to go inside for the reception. I looked at my place card and went to my assigned table. When I got there I was startled to discover that I was seated at a table of the chassan’s young friends many of whom I had never met. I looked around the ballroom and noticed both a rabbis’ table and a table of community members either one of which would have been a much more logical placement for me. I engaged in great conversation with the young men at my table and I enjoyed the evening but I must admit I was bewildered and confused as to why I was put at that table. To be honest I was more than just perplexed. I was insulted and offended and felt somewhat singled out.
The final dance concluded sheva brachos were recited and I headed to the valet to retrieve my car. I reached into my suit pocket for the ticket and immediately I felt like a fool. In my pocket were two place cards that looked exactly alike with nearly identical envelopes and calligraphy. In truth I had been assigned to sit at the table with my peers. Unbeknownst to me however a place card from a different wedding had remained in my pocket and when the time came to find my seat I had taken that old place card out instead of the one I had been assigned at this wedding.
The Gemara (Bava Basra 60b) tell us “Keshot atzmecha v’achar kach keshot acheirim” which is usually translated as “Correct yourself first and only then correct others.” Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch suggests an alternative translation. The word keshot appears a number of times in the tefillah of Berich Shmeih — as in Oraisei keshot u’neviohi keshot — and it means “truth.” Based on this Rav Hirsch explains the mandate of our rabbis as be truthful with yourself and only then examine others.
They say that when you point a finger at someone else three more point back at you. In my case it became obvious and undeniable that although I was pointing a finger at my hosts for having seated me in the wrong place the blame lay entirely with me.
