Why Risk Shidduchim?

Something has to change so that women don’t become so disillusioned that they simply choose to give up

W

hen I was a young adult, knew exactly what I wanted to be. I wanted to become a teacher and change the world, teach the next generation to love Hashem and the Torah and make a big difference to the Jewish community.

Entering the field, however, I experienced a reality check. I was paid a minimum-wage salary that didn’t even come on time, I encountered a general lack of gratitude, and I received minimal support to better my skills. Eventually I left teaching to find another more satisfying and lucrative field. And I learned that I wasn’t alone. In Mishpacha’s Inbox, I read that the girls’ school system is facing severe challenges finding qualified teachers.

A few months later, there’s a new crop of letters to the editor. These letters discuss how degrading the girls find the system in place available for them to meet their basherts. Every letter talks about single women feeling demeaned by the request for pictures, but feeling helpless to do anything about it. Most young women I talk to talk about how difficult it is to get a date at all. First someone asks you for a shidduch résumé, and then they never get back to you. When they ask what happened with the suggestion, they get a vague “He never got back to me,” or, “He said he was busy.” These are euphemisms for “They are not interested.” So many women talk about getting two to three dates a year, and feel like they have to “apply” for the date.

I don’t want to be shrill, or an alarmist, but I believe we must consider the real possibility that if something isn’t done to change this status quo, some women will chas v’shalom make the same decision about marriage that they have made about teaching: The process is just too degrading to justify the ends. Already now, I meet intelligent women who have voiced feelings to me that they find a lot of satisfaction in their jobs, and don’t necessarily need marriage to give them satisfaction in life.