Feeling unheard is one of the more painful experiences we can have with our spouses
Communication breakdowns can happen even in the strongest of relationships. Feeling unheard is one of the more painful experiences we can have with our spouses. When we pour out our hearts to our spouse, or we share something that’s really important to us, only to be met with an “um-hmmm” or even a completely unrelated response, we may feel invisible, unimportant, or even stupid that we opened our mouths. There are few things that make us second-guess our communication faster than when we share vulnerably and it feels like it’s awkwardly hanging with nowhere to land.
There are physical, verbal, and emotional signs that clue us in that our listener has tuned out. The physical signs include lack of eye contact, body turned away/ arms crossed, or concrete distractions (by a phone, computer, book, or something else).
Verbal clues include frequent interruptions, uninterested noises, and no followup questions or genuine interest. Responding to sharing with an unrelated answer also shows a pretty obvious lack of engagement in the topic or willingness to speak about it.
Emotional clues that your listener has tuned you out can be the most painful; it’s when you feel unheard, dismissed, or outright ignored. Stonewalling, disparaging comments like, “Here we go again,” or “You’re so sensitive, why are we talking about this?” or sighing and eye rolling all point to emotional disconnection and poor communication.
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