Why Can’t I Listen In to My Child’s Therapy?

Q:

I have a child who has needed therapy since a young age. She’s been to a number of therapists with little, if any, real change.

I wonder if the therapy would be more effective if I would sit in on a session so that I can incorporate the information into her everyday life. I asked a few of the therapists if I can listen in, but they always respond that they don’t work that way and make me feel like a controlling mother for wanting to know what’s happening in the session.

I don’t see how this therapy model works. The therapists just play or talk with my daughter, without accountability or carryover. Is this how therapy is supposed to be?

Thank you.

A:

I completely understand your frustration. As a parent, you want to know what’s happening in your child’s inner world so that you can be of most assistance. Does your daughter hold distorted views of her family life? Perhaps you can help clarify the facts for the therapist so she can best help the child. Is she holding unexpressed anger or resentment that, once you know about it, can address and resolve? Does she need something from you that — when clarified — would be so easy and pleasurable for you to provide?