Approved

We have an extraordinarily powerful need to be “received.” It starts young. As babies, we bask in the stare of our mother’s eyes as she buries her cooing face right into our own. “I’m here!” we discover. “She sees me!’

As toddlers, our instincts prompt us to repeat whatever little dance, gesture, action, or sound earned a gleeful response from those around us. “They like it!” we intuit — even before we can consciously articulate such a concept.

And on it goes. In grade school we put words to our desire: “Look Ma, look at me!” we demand as we do our cartwheels across the dining room floor or zip down the block on our new bike.

As we get older, we still want our parents to notice our cleverness, our goodness, our special qualities. But now, we want our peers to receive us as well. Failure to be well-received — noticed, appreciated, and celebrated — by those around us, causes deep psychological pain. Even adults depend on positive feedback from others in order to feel comfortable, healthy, and happy.