My husband and I are, baruch Hashem, basically on the same page regarding the chinuch we want to give our children. We both have morei derech we hold in high esteem and we believe we understand the values that are of importance in Yiddishkeit.
However, the issue is my parents. Because we’re choosing to raise our family slightly differently than they did theirs, they have a hard time accepting our choices. Honestly, I’m not impressed with the way my siblings turned out. They’re all frum in the general sense, but they lack depth of appreciation for Torah and mitzvos, and are focused on material pursuits, technology, etc. When my parents are honest, they express that it bothers them (though their Yiddishkeit isn’t much deeper), but when discussing our choices, their words imply: “Why can’t you just be like them?”
It hurts to know that my parents don’t approve of things we do — things that only make us better Jews. I know in my head that we’re doing this for a greater purpose and not to gain anyone’s approval or acceptance, but in my heart it still bothers me very much. Speaking to them hasn’t gotten me very far, as they’ve come across as unwilling or incapable of grasping concepts beyond their scope.
I don’t want to share with my husband all the conversations I have with my parents because I don’t want him to lose his respect for them, so I have no one to turn to about this matter. And it comes up quite a bit. For example, now that our children are ready for school, my father is pressuring me to put our son into the yeshivah his sons attended, one that’s part of his community but does not necessarily focus on what we see as most important in Yiddishkeit. To them, it’s all about belonging to a “community,” while to me other things, like a relationship to Hashem from a place of emes, means much more.
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