We Disagree on Chinuch

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“M y husband and I have very different parenting styles. I read a lot about parenting believe in Sarah Chana Radcliffe’s 80/20 approach and generally follow the adages of “pick your battles” and “don’t sweat the small stuff.” I try to make my interactions with my kids light and fun and while I do criticize and sometimes threaten I work hard not to let it take over the relationship.

My husband on the other hand has more of an authoritative style — he threatens a lot and demands the children listen to him and exercise self-control in areas beyond their age. For example he’ll expect the two-year-old not to play with light switches or jump on the bed while I think those things are perfectly normal two-year-old behavior. He’ll demand the older children help around the house while he himself doesn’t lift a finger. And he’ll expect an eight-year-old to be able to handle his feelings of disappointment with grace and aplomb which I feel is too high an expectation.

During the week these differences aren’t so noticeable but on Shabbos when lots of time is spent together as a family these issues are highlighted. While I usually back him up when he issues a command or an ultimatum I hardly ever agree with his way of dealing with things. Saying things to him on the spot or in front of the kids brings disastrous results and generally conversations about chinuch don’t end well.

How do you suggest I handle this? Should I ignore the way he parents even though I disagree with it? Is there a way to broach the subject without the conversation ending in a fight?”