They’re home from seminary, and the phones start to ring. The race is on, and girl after girl sprints toward the chuppah. Babies, one after the other, soon follow. But what about the girl who never got past the start line? The one who is still sheitel-less ten long years later? What is life like for her?
But, unfortunately, for some the road to the chuppah is a long one. The term “shidduch crisis” has entered our modern vernacular much as have other revealing terms — signposts that will serve to inform future generations of the struggles that defined our times. While there are those who object to the term “crisis” as being overly alarmist and anxiety-provoking, there is no denying that there is an ever-growing number of older singles in the frum world today.
What are the unique challenges of the older single as she faces year after year of dating in a society that has no place for people in limbo between childhood and marriage? How does she navigate the sometimes unfriendly world of shidduchim? And, after so many years of disappointment, how did she manage to finally reach that finish line — the chuppah? Family First explores these questions in conversation with several women who married over the age of thirty. Here are their stories — stories that can provide insight and inspiration to us all.
“I grew up in Denver, went to Bais Yaakov there, and then attended BJJ for a year,” relates Rivkah.* “My sister is a year older than me, and she got married as soon as she came home from seminary. The expectation was that I would follow suit. But it took me thirteen years.”
One of the striking things about these stories is that they all start off the same way: The girls went to Bais Yaakov schools, seminary, and had loving, supportive families to help them in the world of shidduchim. They did not have any outstanding circumstances that would allow one to point and say — that’s why they’re single. It’s comforting to be able to put things in boxes, to ascribe labels and reasons and then sit back in relief and declare, “This doesn’t apply to me!” But the unwelcome truth is that in many circumstances, no one can predict who will remain single for years.
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