If your daughter’s torn, she should be speaking it out with her husband. The more the two of them learn to work things out on their own, the better off their marriage will be.
My daughter just called to ask my advice. She’s been married a few months, and she wants to know if she must accept her mother-in-law’s invitation for Shabbos. This would be the third consecutive Shabbos that she has been invited and she has already been there for the past two Shabbosos. I feel that she does not need to go. However, I am reluctant to advise my daughter. I’m afraid that my giving advice to my daughter on something that relates to his mother will upset her husband, even though he says he’s fine with whatever decision she makes. But then I think, why should I discourage my daughter from seeking my advice? How should I handle this?
There’s a saying that to be a successful in-law one must keep the mouth shut and the pocket open. I personally believe that parents should not interfere in the lives of their married kids. In the case you describe, where it seems like the other in-laws may already be a problem, you certainly wouldn’t want to become another one. The response to your daughter should be, “What do you want to do?” She has to make her own decisions.
If your daughter’s torn, she should be speaking it out with her husband. The more the two of them learn to work things out on their own, the better off their marriage will be. The majority of marriage problems come from communication difficulties, two people who haven’t mastered talking to each other. The last thing parents should do is hamper that process in any way. So send her to her husband.
Clearly, if we would be talking about a serious issue, or if you suspect that something was dangerous or unhealthy, then it would be in place for you to get involved. But the little things — which furniture to buy, where to spend Yom Tov — such issues should be between the couple.
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