Ihave a daughter in shidduchim who’s in her mid-20s. She was recently redt to a 30-year-old bochur and we were explicitly told that he’s “very into looks.” Now I’m not naive; I know that looks are important and it’s an unstated (usually!) given in a shidduch. However the fact that this is how a close friend described him threw me for a loop.
No matter how pretty a girl is and my daughter B”H is quite pretty no girl wants a husband who is “into looks.” If I say yes to such a shidduch am I setting my daughter up for a lifetime of having to look over her shoulder of a husband constantly putting pressure on her to look amazing? Someone who will watch every bite she eats and comment on her appearance when she goes out etc.?
I don’t go for the “if everything else sounds good then…” train of thought but on the other hand my daughter isn’t getting younger. She wants desperately to get married and shidduchim are so hard to come by. How should I approach this?
Into Middos not Looks
DEAR INTO MIDDOS
Before I offer my opinion I’d like to validate your pain. It must be very hard to consider a shidduch like this when it seems so distasteful. One of the most difficult parts of older singlehood is the constant reassessing of values and measuring them against the yardstick of our most cherished values of marriage and family. What are we willing to give in on to attain marriage?
