When I was dating my parents unfortunately didn’t have the wisdom and intelligence to help me figure out what I was looking for in a husband or to guide me over the bumps. At 19 I recognized the magnitude of the choices I needed to make and that they were way out of my league yet I had to make them nonetheless. I reached out to a principal from school but I could tell she didn’t have time to help me on a regular basis. I married someone who although healthy and grounded isn’t a great match for me. Through therapy daas Torah and a lot of hard work we manage to keep our marriage afloat but it’s not easy.
As my children grow up I recognize the need to give them space to make choices and sometimes to make mistakes. On the other hand no parent wants their child to mess up when it comes to marriage. I worry about the lack of involvement today’s parents have in their children’s marriage prospects — we rely on a résumé sugar-coated information from strangers and a one-time meeting with a prospective child-in-law to decide if we will hand over our child’s future to this individual. Although I do make sure to listen to my children on a daily basis and try to cultivate a relationship of trust between us I don’t know how much they will feel like sharing when they are in shidduchim.
What should a parent’s mindset be as their child enters shidduchim? What’s our role? And how much can we expect our children to share as they essentially make this decision on their own?
Looking for Direction
Dear Looking
Your question contains so much wisdom that I feel you’ve almost answered it yourself.
