All shidduch candidates were not created equal; what’s hard is getting past the clichés. How to ask — or answer — the right questions,
While personality is important it’s also one of the things that’s nearly impossible to hide on a date. More important topics to focus on are questions of character life goals and the values that each partner will bring to the table
The Best Bochur in Lakewood is finally out of the freezer and I’m recruited to gather information about the girl’s side. When I call that first reference I’m told the young lady in question definitely has personality but isn’t the “head counselor type.” She’s smart but not too smart. Relaxed but not too easygoing.
Frustrated I ask “Can you tell me what stands out about your friend? What makes her different from everyone else?” After a long pause the reference offers a masterstroke of diplomacy: “She’s so… normal. So well balanced all around!”
In a world where all girls are “amaaazing” blessed with “exactly” the right amount of personality we suffer from an ambiguity crisis: Boys receive an endless parade of generic non-informative r?sum?s of girls they can’t differentiate between. This worsens the appearance of an extreme imbalance; although most shidduchim suggested are probably irrelevant it can be pretty hard to tell which ones are on target and which aren’t resulting in the infamous Lists.
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