Never tell any of your inner parts that they have a bad or wrong feeling. Allowing the feeling is precisely what heals it!
My inner voice is so mean. I can clearly hear myself saying, “You’re so fat,” “You’re a terrible mother,” and “You look so old.” I’m wondering if you can shed some light on this.
Why would my inner voice be so mean when no one has actually said these things to me, and I definitely don’t say them to anyone else? And how can I fix my inner voice to be more compassionate?
The inner critic is one part of everyone’s personality, and everyone’s personality has many different parts. We’re like a bus that has a driver’s seat and a whole bunch of characters sitting in the passenger section. Whoever drives the bus — each of the passengers can become the driver at any given moment — gets to steer it. The one whose hands are on the steering wheel temporarily controls not only the driver’s hands (determining which direction the bus will go in), but also the driver’s words, thoughts, and actions.
The “driver” of the bus calls herself “I.” When you stand in front of a mirror and say, “I’m so old/ugly/etc.,” then a harsh, judgmental “passenger” has hijacked the bus and is steering it her way, expressing her views. Fortunately, your normal, healthy adult hears the insults and wakes up from wherever she was taking her nap, hops back into the driver’s seat (pushing the critic to the back of the bus), and thinks to herself, “My goodness! That lady is very mean! I need to do something about her.”
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