"Our starting point should be that we want to have guests; can we do it without our children losing out?"
This hits home for me in a very personal way. We were blessed with 11 children and many grandchildren and we want them to experience the beauty of a Pesach Seder. I also am very passionate about inviting guests — so much so that I created shabbat.com to encourage others from all over the world to invite people to their homes.
At first glance, it seems like the day’s charges are mutually exclusive. We have the mitzvah of “v’higadeta l’vincha,” which seems like Hashem wants us to focus on our children. But we also say in the Haggadah, “Kol difchin, yesei v’yeichol” — the Korban Pesach was eaten in groups so no one would be left alone. It must be possible to do both.
“V’higadeta l’vincha” is definitely the priority — our job on Pesach is to relay the story of Yetzias Mitzrayim to our children. This is the continuation of our mesorah. So if it comes down to one or the other, the children come first. But I think it’s important not to automatically assume that hosting will take away from our children; having guests could be the greatest lesson to our children if done properly. Our starting point should be that we want to have guests; can we do it without our children losing out?
Speak with your children about having guests. See if they have any resentment toward sharing their space, attention, etc. It’s important to talk to children about the mitzvah of hachnassas orchim and gauge if they are excited about it. My children would be so disappointed if we didn’t have any guests, and my compromise is to have one Seder with just family and one Seder with many guests.
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