Finding Our Way

Deep inside each of us there is a compass pointing home — home to the truth, to what we know is right and good. As we live our lives, interact with our family members, and conduct our businesses, we feel the movement of the compass constantly: “I’m on track, I’m off track, I need to adjust my direction…” and so on. Our behavior is monitored all day.

Sometimes our inner critic gets in on the act, trying to hijack the compass apparatus — telling us that we’re bad, we’re failing. We can easily tell the difference between the actual compass and the inner critic: The former points to our behavior while the latter points to our being. The compass is a useful device for guiding us toward our best selves, our more cherished values, and our important goals. It operates like the lines on a highway, helping us to navigate safely and surely to our destination. The critic, on the other hand, stops us in our tracks, leaving us in a demoralized heap, unable to move forward.

Wrong Way

“I knew I had crossed the line when I started berating my daughter, and I couldn’t stop talking. My mouth was going a mile a minute, and every word was harsh and rejecting. I was in some sort of trance — I could hear myself but couldn’t control myself. It was awful. This isn’t the kind of mother I want to be.”

The compass calls Devora home to her true self. She knows how a “good mother” disciplines a child and that her own behavior was out of line. She’s disappointed in herself but is more interested in improving than in beating herself up.