S ome things just can’t be forced. One of them is love. The most powerful person in the world even if he owns everything money and talent can buy still cannot force someone to love him. While he may be able to coerce someone to act as if they love no one can control another’s heart.
That simple little fact plays switcheroo with some of our most deeply held beliefs about power and hierarchy. In recognizing this phenomenon we reveal that there’s at least as much power in the hands of the weak receiver (cast as feminine in our sources) as there is in the hands of the strong bestower (cast as male in our sources). Even if in comparison to the bestower the receiver has nothing at the moment that he wants a relationship and she doesn’t he is now in her power. This in an unexpected flip reduces all his bounty and abundance to worthless in his pursuit of love.
While everything else in the world works within a hierarchical paradigm — I have more therefore I am more — love kicks the bucket out from under that surety. Whether we like it or not a relationship is dependent upon the one who wants the relationship less.
The Grateful Giver
This dynamic fundamental as it is usually isn’t acknowledged except by Hashem and His Torah. While Hashem — the Ultimate Bestower — tells us that we did a “chesed” with Him (it goes without saying that this is a manner of speech there to teach us about the dynamics of the olam chesed we live in) when we followed Him into the desert human beings cast in the position of bestower generally do not like acknowledging their neediness.
