Navigating Your First Yom Tov at the In-Laws

It’s my first year married, and we’re at my in-laws for the Sedarim. I’m in the kitchen helping my mother-in-law serve Shulchan Oreich when she takes out her special “kartoffel shisl” — a ceramic bowl decorated with a woodland forest scene, complete with Bambi. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m used to malchus — crystal and silver only at the Seder! What does this mean for my marriage? Will I be doomed to a life of enamel?

There’s never a better time than the present to learn a lifelong skill that will serve you well: faking it. Dish not your style? No one says you can’t smile wide and say, “Wow, Ma, I’ve never seen a dish like this before!” This can also be applied to many other areas of your life, like when your husband comes home with dyed purple daisies because you once mentioned you liked purple when you were a kid. And remember, “fake it till you make it” refers to making Pesach, because once you’re setting your own table, you decide exactly what goes on it.

I spent the first half of Nissan helping my mother-in-law make Yom Tov, and when we finally sat down to the Seder, wow, was I tired. So maybe it was through a sleepy haze that I heard my brand-new husband remark with surprise, “Hey, Malky, this mousse isn’t half bad. I’m shocked!” Do I immediately defend myself or just hope I disappear forever?

Don’t wince, don’t smile self-deprecatingly. Instead, turn to your husband and innocently inquire what he could possibly mean by that. Then when he scrambles to explain what he really meant, inform your husband that to make it up to you, he may stand up on his chair like a Mah Nishtanah boy and sing four verses about how incredible your cooking is. Nothing about dips or matzah, those stanzas were already covered.

My husband poured my first kos of grape juice and then sort of winked at me. I’m totally convinced that now everyone knows why I’m not drinking wine this year. I’m totally freaking out! I’m only seven weeks along, should we just tell everyone before they start asking?

Yes! And there is literally the perfect opportunity: Tisha yarchei leida is coming up (not just for you, but in the Haggadah) so make sure you and your husband stand up and announce the good news then. It’s totally the best time!

It’s Erev Yom Tov, and my husband hasn’t presented me with any diamonds yet. I don’t want him to be over, chas v’shalom, on the most important mitzvah of my year (Kiddushin 34b, Pesachim 109a).

You’re married now; learn to be direct! Also, the afikomen isn’t really utilized like the bargaining chip it is. Forget the kids at the Seder, find the afikomen, hide it, and refuse to return it unless you get something sparkly in return.