“My Husband Won’t Let Me Tell Anyone He Lost His Job — Even His Family”

My sisters-in-law and I are super close, but they don’t know that we’ve been struggling with parnassah ever since my husband lost a huge account at work a few months ago, and he forbids me from telling them. They’re planning a short girls’ getaway with our mother-in-law for a big birthday she has coming up, but I straight up can’t afford to join. What should we do?

Answer

I’m going to need some definition of terms here. When you say, “super close,” do you mean you share memes all day but have no idea what’s actually going on in each others’ lives? Or do you mean you share deep thoughts and feelings and feel connected emotionally?

Also, about that “we” in “What should we do?” Does that mean your husband is willing to be part of this solution?

Seems to me that you and your husband need to have a conversation. I like to adjoin a “yes” to a “no” whenever I can. When your husband asks you to refrain from telling them about your current financial status, does he also suggest another possibility for what you can say to them? What are his thoughts about how to celebrate his mother’s milestone birthday?

It seems like you’ve been thrust into the middle of an untenable dilemma where you really want to protect your husband’s dignity, and yet you still need to show up in a way you can’t. Have the two of you discussed this? Is there a way you can share your dilemma that shows him that his wishes are your priority, but that you need him to be part of the solution?