We can’t always be happy, but we can be “whole”
Everyone wants to “be happy.” But “happy” is a feeling, not a state. It’s not something we can “be.” A person feels happy from time to time, just as a person feels unhappy, frustrated, irritated, stressed, disappointed, or anxious from time to time.
Moreover, it’s always that one specific emotion — happy — that people are yearning for. This also doesn’t make any sense because each of the five main emotions (happy, sad, angry, scared, and confused) consists of numerous shades of feeling. When we’re sad, we might actually be feeling lonely, hurt, disappointed, abandoned, or miserable. When we’re angry we might be feeling enraged, annoyed, furious, indignant, or outraged.
The same differentiation occurs for the other main emotions, including the category called “happy.” So when someone wants their kids to be happy, what do they actually mean? Do they want them to be content, excited, enthralled, cheerful, delighted, pleased, or thrilled — all the time? We might consider that if Hashem had wanted us to be perpetually overjoyed, then why would He give us dozens of feelings if we really only need one?
Trying to achieve that (impossible) state of perpetual happiness is an exercise in frustration. The feeling of happiness — actually a particular shade of happy feeling — is a byproduct of certain kinds of activities and experiences; it isn’t something that can be directly courted. We note this reality even in our search for happiness. “I’ll be happy when…” I’ll be happy when I lose 20 lbs.; when I get married; when I have a baby; when I graduate; when I find the right job; when I make a million dollars; and so on. And it’s true: We’re happy for a few minutes when goals are achieved.
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