For the Love of Giving

ITmakes mothers happy to make their kids happy. But if they really wanted their kids to be happy, mothers would teach those kids to give to others, because there’s nothing that makes a person feel as happy as giving does. Indeed, it can actually be self-centered of moms to hoard the joy of giving, as doing so deprives their children of true happiness.

Hashem has structured the task of parenting around the mitzvah of honoring and revering parents. This includes many specific mitzvos of both action and thought, but we’ll look at just one aspect of one mitzvah for now: honoring parents through action. This particular commandment involves “pleasantly and enthusiastically assisting parents with all of their needs.” Sounds great, but realistically, how would parents get their kids to fulfill such a directive? And would it even be good for them to be providing service in this way?

Benefit or Harm?

Let’s look at the last question first, tackling the issue of possible harm from giving. If a parent makes her children her personal “slaves,” surely this will harm the children’s development. Imagine a lazy mother sitting on the sofa eating bonbons while asking her kids to look after the babies, make the dinner, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, and so on. That would cause not only resentment, but some sort of trauma-driven mental health disorder as well.

The scenario the Torah has in mind is that an able-bodied 12-year-old isn’t sitting on the sofa eating bonbons while her mother serves her. Hashem knows that the child’s personality would be harmed from such a dynamic: self-centered, lazy, unappreciative, entitled, and more.