Home Free

I’m with Akiva Adelson. Not literally, of course. Actually, sharing Reb Akiva’s company could be problematic, since I’m not sure he exists. He’s the “fellow” who plugs a cutting-edge concept in Pesach experiences — “Passover 2019 in New York” — which Boro Park’s KRM Kollel Supermarket is promoting in its pre-Pesach advertisements.

In ads festooned with pictures of the Bronx Zoo, the Intrepid, and other iconic New York Chol Hamoed destinations, KRM invites consumers to “Feel Right at Home” this Yom Tov — because that’s exactly where they’ll be, courtesy of the store’s full line of low-priced groceries (and no, I’m not getting so much as a macaroon, stale or otherwise, to talk this all up). I heartily agree with Akiva when he enthuses that “all I can say is, wow…. This was without a doubt the best Passover experience ever,” although my baseline for comparison is admittedly weak since Passover in New York is the only kind I’ve had for decades.

To be sure, the ad copy for the experience might oversell it in some ways. The list of enticements includes, for example, “heimish catered meals.” But if I were you, I’d be hesitant to try using that particular phrase at home. I’m not sure the lady of the house, or whoever else has primary responsibility for meal preparation, will take kindly to the “C” word. “Whaddya think this is anyway, a Pesach hotel?” “Um, yeah. It even says so right here…” “Ah yes, I see. Take that page and use it to line the bottom shelf of the fridge — now.”

The same goes for dangling before readers the freedom to “check in/check out at any time.” Really now? Until you do your part to clear off the table and take out the overflowing garbage, you ain’t goin’ nowhere, my friend.