We happily send our children to yeshivah. But do we give them the tools they need to succeed?
In last month’s column, we described how many yeshivah bochurim suffer from the pressure to be the best. Outshining their peers is the only way they discern to fulfill their inner need to feel singular. Although it’s important to discuss methods to cope with that stress, I would like to explore ways to prepare our bochurim before their yeshivah years, so the pressure won’t overwhelm them in the first place.
The Gemara at the end of Yevamos recounts how Rabi Akiva’s ship sank in a storm. His demise seemed certain. Yet Rabi Akiva reached the shore, safe and sound. He described how he grabbed a plank that had broken off from the sinking ship. Every time a wave approached, Rabi Akiva held on to the plank and lowered his head, allowing the wave to pass over him. The Gemara then applies this technique as a metaphor for how to survive negative forces that come upon a person. First of all, you have to lower your head. Don’t fight the wave; just let it pass. But to do that, you need a plank to hold on to. Something small but firm that allows you to stay afloat even when a wave crashes down upon your head.
There’s no question that the tremendous pressure in yeshivos is a mighty wave. Some bochurim are crushed by it; others run away from it, and even leave yeshivah altogether. That’s an unnecessary tragedy. The pressure, like the waves of Rabi Akiva, is forceful but temporary. If they can only endure it, they will soon realize how the yeshivah really nurtures them. They will experience the joy of growing into talmidei chachamim and enjoy developing their unique personalities in the world of Torah. But, like Rabi Akiva, they need something to hold on to, so the wave won’t drown them in the meantime.
What is their plank? What can they hold on to and let the wave of pressure pass over them?
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