Building up Grown Children

“My mother doesn’t get me. She thinks I’m a lazy, selfish, spoiled brat. I know this because she tells me so all the time. If she sees me lying on the sofa, she tells me that I’m wasting my life away and won’t ever get anywhere because I do nothing all day. If I go out with friends, she tells me it’s time to stop fooling around and get serious about my life, and if I stay home, she tells me I’ll never get married because people will forget that I exist,” says Rochel.

Does Rochel’s mother dislike her? Or does she care so much about her that she tries to “help” just a bit too often? It’s hard to know. But what’s certain is that the nonstop criticism doesn’t feel loving, even if it’s well-intended.

“Listen, she’s still living in my house. I can’t just sit by silently and watch her destroy her life before it even gets off the ground! She needs to clean up her act. Who wants to marry a girl who lazes around all day like she does? Yes, she has a part-time job, but big deal: It pays peanuts and a monkey from the zoo could be trained to do it. And yes, she is spoiled. If her father and I weren’t paying all her bills, how would she live exactly?”

Lost in Translation

Clearly, Mom is worried. But can her unpleasant, insulting remarks really motivate her daughter? Is her parenting approach on the right track?