The belief that perfection, or even something approaching it, is possible in parenting promotes a tendency to blame
Abby Delouya
B.A., B.Ed., RMFT-CCC
The kids are finally out the door and you’re full of regret. “I yelled at Baruch because he couldn’t find his shoes. I got annoyed with Shaindy because she forgot she needed 25 mezonos treats for the class party. They’re just little kids… I feel terrible.”
You walk around agitated throughout the day, and perhaps later you even over-compensate for your feelings of guilt in the morning with treats or a permissive attitude (which later backfires when your kids are out of control and you get mad… again).
Striving for perfection as a parent isn’t good. The belief that perfection, or even something approaching it, is possible in parenting promotes a tendency to blame. Parents seeking perfection blame themselves, or their spouse, or their children when things aren’t just right. Blame can have serious emotional consequences, such as low self-esteem in children, a negative atmosphere at home, and the feeling that nothing is ever good enough — a belief that generates feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Psychologists recommend that we try to be a “good enough parent.” Good enough parents strive to do their very best, yet recognize that not everything follows their ideal script, and that challenges arise frequently. They understand that only Hashem is the Perfect Parent — so they can let go and give it over to Him. Good enough parents:
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