What should we do when we feel we can’t be honest with the people we love?
My wife is a liar. I simply can’t trust anything she says about money because I inevitably find out that what she told me isn’t true. I ask her very straightforward questions like, “How much did you pay for the sheitel?” or “What did the takeout dinner cost?” She just makes up whatever number she thinks I want to hear.
He’s right. But that’s because I don’t want to have a big argument with him every time I make a purchase. If I tell him the true price of things, he goes on a tirade, so I make up a smaller price and hope he’ll forget about the conversation. He’s a busy guy so this works for me about half the time. He’s unreasonable. I shop wisely, but it’s never “wise” enough for him. He questions every expense, like I’m some sort of wayward child. He just doesn’t want me to spend any money at all. That’s impractical so I do what I do to minimize conflict.
Should the wife tell her husband the truth every time even though it will enrage him? Should she cultivate honesty even if she knows it will produce stress, conflict, and heartache? (Let’s assume that the husband — a financially anxious fellow who won’t go to therapy — is not going to change his style of response.) If she were your daughter, what would you tell her?
I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of us moving out of the city. My wife and I discussed the possibility for over a year and asked a lot of people — including our rav — for advice. We decided it was the right thing for us to do at that point. Once we’d purchased the house, made the school arrangements, and had everything else in place, I told them. As expected, they blew up. It was exactly what I was dreading.
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