People who are neurodivergent have often learned from a very young age to hide themselves. But their relentless efforts to act and behave neurotypically can come at a heavy cost.
It’s springtime, when the world is full of color, and plants that have been hiding under the ground all winter suddenly spring to life in full bloom. In life, the idea of keeping things under wraps certainly has a place. One of the three trademarks of Jews is that we are bayshanim and have a natural tendency to feel bashful. This is something to be proud of, especially when this emotion alerts us to the fact that we aren’t acting in line with our value system. But what if we’re so busy hiding parts of ourselves that we never reveal our true identities to the world and ourselves? When we do this, we fail to recognize both the gifts and challenges given to us by Hashem.
People who are neurodivergent have often learned from a very young age to hide themselves. But their relentless efforts to act and behave neurotypically can come at a heavy cost. Let’s explore what this may look like.
A person who is neurodivergent can sometimes have an increased need for movement or need to fidget, but holds back for fear of judgment. Not allowing opportunity for movement can wreak havoc on an already overtaxed nervous system. Another example is when a school asks for parental support to assist a child in a certain area, but the parent struggles with this very skill and doesn’t reveal this information. A person with poor working memory may have difficulty remembering names but is too embarrassed to ask a colleague to reveal their name for fear of looking stupid.
How can one come out of hiding in these situations? In the case of needing movement breaks, for example, at a Shabbos meal, let your host know in advance that you may need to step away from the meal on a few occasions. When speaking with the school administration, be open about the fact that you’ll need support to help your child. Revealing that poor working memory is the reason you forget names can relieve a lot of unnecessary tension. When we begin to embrace all parts of ourselves, including the neurodivergent part, we can relinquish the unnecessary fear and shame that comes with hiding our identity.
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