As a healthy, functioning adult, the only approval you truly need is yours and Hashem’s
IF you’re on either end of that spectrum, your answer is obvious. But if you’re average height, you might say, “Compared to my sister, I’m quite tall, but compared to my husband, I’m short.” When there’s no clear-cut answer, comparison helps clarify your status.
Occasional comparisons can be helpful, offering a reality check. But if your go-to is comparing yourself to others, it might be a sign that your sense of self needs a boost.
But wait — aren’t we supposed to fit in, understand, and apply social norms? Of course! Staying connected to the tzibbur, especially in areas that affect our values or halachic standards, provides protection from negative outside influences. But living a life of constant comparison keeps us from developing our unique, authentic way of showing up in the world.
Developing a strong sense of self — knowing who you are independently of others’ views — is key. When that’s lacking, it’s hard to feel secure. You might struggle to know where you stand on important (or even unimportant) issues, what clothing or hairstyle you prefer, or even your favorite flavor of ice cream. This uncertainty can be anxiety-provoking, making you feel like you have no choice but to rely on others to establish your identity and reaffirm your sense of belonging.
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