Constantly Rejected

There it was again. Another “no.” Another slap in the face. It was the sixth rejection in a row, and it stung.

At the start of my shidduch journey, each negative reply from the girl’s side was a huge blow. I would nurse the pain of rejection until finally another date came along. And then the cycle would begin again. By now, the constant rejections are merely blips on the radar. How can I be 22 years old and feel so unwanted before my life has even begun? How am I supposed to react and deal with this?

There is lots of talk among our community about the shidduch crisis, and it seems like almost every other week another solution is offered to relieve some of the issues. But one all-too-common issue seems to have slipped everyone’s notice. I don’t know what’s worse: a girl not getting suggestions in the first place, or a boy being rejected time after time. Of course, both are issues that need to be addressed, but while the former is at the forefront of society’s awareness, the latter has been largely ignored. Rejection in the shidduch world can take the ultimate toll, and it is not discussed enough, if at all.

I agree that for the most part, our shidduch system heavily favors the boys. But this doesn’t factor in bochurim like me whose family situation means that the odds are stacked against us. Having an OTD sibling, or parents who are divorced, or any other “abnormal” family situation, immediately gets our résumés marked with a red flag, even when these strikes are in no way indicative of who we are as individuals.