True discipline will teach, not punish, Discipline That Works, True discipline will teach, not punish
D iscipline (which shares a root with the word “disciple”) is a teaching tool. An effectively disciplined child must learn something.
Punishment is a form of justice. Someone who has done something wrong shouldn’t be allowed to “get away with it.” Whether he learns anything or not is almost irrelevant. Instead punishment may be a vehicle for the expression of anger (or even revenge) an opportunity to right the wrong and an action meant to make a perpetrator “pay.” As such punishment has no place in healthy family relationships.
Anger-free discipline on the other hand has an important place in the parent-child relationship. When applied correctly it helps a child learn how to refrain from inappropriate behavior.
Applying Discipline
Discipline always requires follow-up to see if the child is learning the desired lesson (“We don’t walk through the house with mud on our shoes.”). After the child has mopped up the floor on three separate occasions the parent should see fewer muddy mishaps. If the misbehavior doesn’t lessen the parent should select a different negative consequence in the hope that the new one will be more effective (“I see mopping up the floor isn’t helping you learn not to wear muddy shoes in the house so from now on when you track mud inside I’ll mop the floor and you won’t get cookies for snack.”). If the lack of cookies leads to lack of mud then the parent has successful disciplined her child.
