Double Bind

Adouble bind is a dilemma in communication in which a person receives two conflicting messages. Often, this sort of communication causes distress and, particularly when experienced by a child, may cause psychological harm.

“It’s always been this way with my father. When I was visiting him last night, he told me he was willing to put up the down payment for a property I was looking at. It was extremely generous of him, and I told him how much I appreciated it.

“For a few minutes we were both in a great mood and started chatting about lots of other things. I told him how excited I was that my band — I play drums for a hobby — was asked to play at a very fancy wedding.

“ ‘You’re not afraid to show your face in public pounding that thing?’ he asked me. He was totally serious. Bottom line is that my dad thinks I’m some sort of loser and makes sure to let me know that in almost every conversation. Because of his generous financial offer, I’d accidentally let my guard down and told him something authentic about myself. As usual, he made me regret it.”