"The most powerful message that we can send our young men and women is to seek advice"
I would like to respectfully disagree with the response given to “Tired and Frustrated” regarding the shidduch situation of a girl in med school. It is true that today’s gender roles are not black and white, and are constantly shifting and evolving.
It is also true, however, that our communities need more frum female physicians, specifically because of the feminine nature we women possess. From a patient’s perspective, having a physician who understands your unique cultural and spiritual background significantly enhances the medical care you receive. Especially in fields such as women’s health, psychiatry, and pediatrics, a frum woman brings so much to the table — besides her medical expertise. I would argue that choosing a career in medicine may actually allow a frum woman to tap into her innately feminine nature, and combine that with medical training to truly help our communities and make a difference.
As far as shidduchim are concerned, the process really does seem especially daunting for someone who chooses a career path different from what is considered “the norm.” As a frum wife and mother about to start residency, this would be my advice: It’s easy to become so consumed by medical training that it becomes your whole identity. In reality, though, if you are someone who wants to build a Jewish home, there is likely a lot more to you than just your career aspirations. Take the time to develop the other aspects of yourself. What kind of mother do you want to be? What kind of home do you want to have? What are your hobbies outside of medicine? Which chesed activities are you passionate about?
Once you meet the right person, you can connect over so much more than just your career. And at the end of the day, your spouse will appreciate the many facets of who you are — including, but not limited to, the fact that you’re a doctor.
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